Passage Three
Small talk is like having loose change in your pocket. Like quarters for a pay phone, loose change comes in handy when you least expect it. But when it comes to small talk, you must know when to spend it or save it.
All small talk is not the same. With some people, you walk away having killed a few moments. With others, you feel a connection and want to get to know them better. The difference is the effort one or both of you made at making a connection. It helps to call the person by name, mention things you have in common (mutual acquaintances, places you've been, experiences you've shared, career or personal goals), show interest in that person's views or hobbies, and match the other person's speaking style, voice, emotion and body language as you talk.
People feel being related to others who like them, appreciate them, enjoy the same things they do and are helpful to them. Time and attention make connections that last.
When you're considering small talk, be sensitive to the other person's mood and circumstances. When your airplane seatmate is obviously preoccupied, leave him or her alone. Neither would you approach someone when the person is dashing down a hallway to a meeting. On other occasions, small talk is inappropriate because of the person involved. If the CEO has unexpectedly called you in for "a little chat," this is not the time to take the lead. Let him or her dictate the topic and pace. The same is true with customers. Develop a sixth sense about those who appreciate small talk and those who don't.

If you want to make others’ feel related to you, you may need to__________.