How to Forgive, Forget and Let Go

1．Forgiving someone does not mean releasing them from an earlier guilt. What if the person who wronged you is not living? What if the person is someone who made you extremely embarrassed during school 20 or 30 years ago? Letting go of emotional pain does not mean that nothing happened; it means that you no longer want to be controlled by it.

2．Recognize that forgiveness is not denial. Whatever caused the pain was a real incident. Denying that it happened means it is too painful to work through the emotions. There is no timeline on forgiveness. Some steps take longer to get through, and it is acceptable to set them aside for a period of time. Part of forgiveness is understanding whether or not someone takes responsibility for what happened, and may even show regret.

3．Understand, that not everyone who forgives reconciles with the person who caused the pain. There are relationships that are harmful and even physically dangerous. While it is possible to forgive the past and move beyond it, it may also mean that the person who was involved can no longer play an active role in your life. If a person or situation is not safe, it may be best not to reconcile the relationship now. Work on forgiveness at a time when you are emotionally healthy and physically safe.

4．Make a conscious decision to forgive someone. Even if they never apologize for what happened, determine within yourself that it is fine to proceed without this apology. Apologies should not be asking for forgiveness. Apologies should be offered as an effort of true regret. They should be admitting that taking personal responsibility for the situation is important. Even without that apology, make up your mind to forgive, forget, and eventually let go.

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